On Vacation Until Further Notice

I am officially putting myself on vacation until further notice.

 

Hey! Don’t go anywhere. It’s not a vacation from you, or from us, or from Shaman Girl.

 

It’s a vacation from mental me.

 

I am officially on vacation from worrying, doubting, planning, doing, figuring out, stressing until further notice.

 

I’m giving myself permission to wear pajamas all day as Shaman Boy has insisted he’s doing for a week, cobble together meals, let the dishes sit for the day, stare out the window, nap, read, check in with friends and family – or not.

 

 

I am laying down guilt, shame, judgment, victimhood, perfectionist tendencies. I am meditating and considering sitting on the couch with one foot resting on our puppy a valid activity. I am cuddling and snuggling with my blond boys as much as they can tolerate.

 

I will be allowing gentleness, compassion, sleep, tenderness, nothingness, stillness, openness, tears and laughter, more sleep, wonderment, and gratitude.

 

How dare I?

 

Just consider the past few intense weeks… We’ve cried over Newtown, survived the End of the World, came through the solstice into the light, and prepared for our holidays. Whew!

 

And that’s not counting in our personal lives.

 

Last night I was feeling gremlin-y. Not a good mom, not as chill about the state of our life as Shaman Guy is, unclear about my “career,” a physical mess, not attentive enough to my parents’ health bumps in the past few days…

 

As Shaman Guy threw all my worries, tissues and tears into the fire in an impromptu ceremony, I realized that we were embarking on 10 days at our Bear Lodge home in the White Mountains. We are on vacation – and yet I mentally had a list a mile long of all the activities I needed to do: figure out a budget, finish Christmas presents, get my act together, figure out a direction/plan for my business in the New Year, catch up on bookkeeping…

 

What about just being on vacation????

 

How often do we give ourselves permission to be on vacation – whether it’s for a weekend or a week?

 

When do we give ourselves a mental vacation from the “not enough” and “should be”? From busy-doing?

 

Me? Not that often. And yet it’s what my heart, body, and soul are yearning for. It’s what I invoke at ceremonies, in my dreams, and in my journal. It’s how I (sometimes) do live my life and what I want more of.

 

Hmm… Taking vacation from “more.” Going for “enough” and “now.”

 

Care to join me?

 

Whether you have a day or two off for Christmas, or a whole week… maybe you only have an hour to spare, can we please give ourselves permission to just be?

 

I think we could all use some of that right now. I know I sure could.

 

A big squeeze,

Meghan