“If I had a dollar for every tear you’ve cried, we’d be millionaires,” Shaman Guy chuckles as he wraps his arm around me in a big bear hug.
Yep, there have been lots of tears lately. And this is good.
I feel deeply and in launching a new phase of Shaman Girl as a business, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. All the doubts have been rising to the surface. And my fear of failing (as well as wildly succeeding) are in my face.
So it is perfect – and ironic – that I offered my first-out-of-this-universe Lightning Bolt Coaching Session this week with an ecstatically happy client while the inside of my head sounds something like this (edited so this blog isn’t 10 pages long):
‘’How can I be successful when it feels like my business takes backseat to being a mom, a wife, and to Shaman Guy’s business?… What’s my message?… How come I’m not where she is? [insert major, successful internet coach who has been doing this for years here]… How can I be a teacher-coach-role model when I feel like a hot mess every 3rd day and always on Mondays?”
Anyone relate? So many of us have been taking risks and gaining clarity on what our true nature and purpose are. We’ve been stretching and saying “yes” to new jobs and new projects and saying “no” to lapsing back into old stories and old habits – only to find the fear and doubt and overwhelm bubbling up again.
The doubts are loud. And yet underneath all this disturbance, there is no doubt. I know I have a unique gift to offer, as you do. I can see my potential as I can see the wild potential of all my friends and clients. I will figure it out and I will manifest my dreams… as soon as I, well, figure it all out.
Plenty of us on a spiritual path are great seers – and this is a double-edged sword. We can easily envision a business that makes more money. Or being a more mindful mama. Or we desire more intimacy in our relationships. Then we beat ourselves up for the business now being “there” right NOW. We judge ourselves harshly when we’re distracted and snapping at our kids. We feel stressed about having no time for more intimacy. It’s the perfect set-up – the spiritual seekers trap. We want more and say we’re on a path to be more loving… and we ratchet the expectations of ourselves so high that we invite in judgment. We forget to be loving and gentle and accepting of ourselves as we journey along this path.
Just to spice it up a bit, my recovering overachiever also jumped into the fray. I’m used to doing whatever I tackle extremely well. I give everything 100%. Yet my life, like so many of ours, is multi-faceted. My 5 year old is in school 3 half-days a week. I have to be able to flow between business and mothering and dinner-making and travelling between houses even when I just want to put my head down and focus.
And then there’s this… I’m coming out of a decade of inward-hibernation. Not that I haven’t done a heck of a lot in mama-ing and supporting. My focus has mostly been on home and on nurturing my spiritual self and now I’m jumping into outward creation and business-building. I feel like a bear whose coming out of her den in the springtime and the light! and the bird chatter!!! and squirrel movement !and gusty wind! and flowing river! are a bit much. Jarring. Blinding. But springtime it is.
What about you? Big dreams creating big expectations? Full life? Transitioning through a life or energy change?
Here’s what I’ve been reminding myself as I navigate through the overwhelm and doubt:
- You are a big dreamer. Yes, you are powerful and can create anything you dream. But you’re also human. It’s okay. You are human. [That’s your tweetable sentence for today!] With human doubts and fears and a human body that gets tired or sick or stressed. Having grandiose expectations that you’re a lofty spiritual being who should be so aware and infallible is not helpful. You’re human. And it’s okay.
- Go ahead. Cry. Let all the doubt and judgment and fear pour on out. – it’s just energy moving through. As these doubts come into the light, their energy will no longer hold you back. You’ll be able to shine if you accept and love yourself for how you are, right now, in this phase of life.
- Be gentle. Give yourself a break. If you are sick, rest. If you are tired, sleep. If you are stressed, take a bath or get a massage. Remember to meditate. Be present with your family. Enjoy life and this process.
- And for Christ’s sake, stop comparing yourself to the top of the mountain. Start where you are. Take action every day. Just one action. Do what you can and you’ll manifest what you so desire.
- Ask for help. Really, you don’t need to do this alone. Use a coach. Talk with your husband, your girlfriends. Take a class on the internet. Find a sympathetic, supportive shoulder and ear.
You are a star. A bright, shining star. Your brilliance is breath-taking. Even if it feels a little muddled right now. You are not alone. We’re going to move through the fear together. We can – and will – figure it out, with our smarts and our hearts and souls.
Rarrrr! I’m rubbing the sleepies out of my eyes, stretching my bear paws to the sky, and lumbering off in search of the honey. It’s all good, Shaman Girls. It’s all good.
A big bear hug,
P.S. Don’t forget to watch the video. Then, repeat after me. I’m human. And it’s okay.
Hello Meghan! I’ve had a situation just lately that is helping me to understand exactly what you are talking about… it appears to be a clogged tear gland/sinuses which causes pressure and swelling and rubs up against a little nerve ending above my eye and causes what feels like someone jolting my eye and the nerve channels crossing over the left side of my face with something like a cattle prod.. actual electric jolts that get extremely painful.. I went to the doctor’s yesterday and got alot of good natural remedies that I feel good about.. and expect it to clear up soon! Anyway.. my natural tendency would to wonder what I had done wrong that I was punishing myself for.. or what the heck is wrong with me.. or why aren’t I a Nagual Woman sailing thru the sky free as a bird in total bliss? HA! Yes.. I am human.. but I also have that Nagual type woman potential, as we all do.. so where is it? Where am I??? LOL What I am realizing is that it’s NOT that we are supposed to create total bliss.. never have a relative or friend die.. never lose a pet.. never get sick.. never feel sad to see someone suffering.. never experience a negative emotion. What is important, at least in how I see it, is HOW WE RESPOND TO WHATEVER HAPPENS in our life.. Once we can face ANYTHING with Curiosity, adventure, energy, high spirits, courage, creativity, etc etc etc.. then those exact qualities just keep building and building and building until we can face whatever comes.. understand it.. feel LOVE for it and gratitude.. learn from it.. enjoy it.. be fascinated with it.. see it as part of Total Love and Happiness to be here.. to be alive.. experiencing it ALL.. learning from it all.. moving on to better and better things.. I think our attitude towards ANYTHING determines so much our overall growth.. If we see it as a LOSS or Unhappiness or Problem or Annoyance rather than a unique opportunity to learn and grow and be happier and happier, then we need to change gears and find out WHAT IS THIS and how can I understand it and move on to bigger and better things.. it’s all stuff we need to confront and understand and move through.. I DO believe that at some point we will not longer be quite HUMAN.. yes.. we will have a body.. but we will look at it as a fun energetic playful friend to enjoy and take care of.. and not feel so much like it is a burden in any way.. This is what I TRY to do.. and I am not alway immediately successful.. but I feel closer and closer and closer to coming thru the misunderstandings, lies, craziness, pain, etc into more and more Joy. I love you and in so many ways you are ALREADY flying much further and higher than I dare to!!! XOX
Hi Robin, Yep, yep, yep. I do think that when we have a physical or other challenge there is usually an opportunity for growth and it has nothing to do with doing something wrong. I hope your heal heals with grace! Don’t know if you saw my blog about when I hurt my eye a month or so ago? (Called in the blink of an eye). Keep choosing how you respond to whatever life throws you and you will fly. xoxo, Meghan
Thank you Meghan! I am feeling better overall.. got some good natural remedies and as positive an attitude as I can conjure up! I appreciate the good vibes 🙂
Awesome post Meghan. Thanks for sharing, real and raw :). I am also a reforming overachiever who has gone into a cocoon of looking inward and am gradually moving out into creation. When I get impatient with myself I just come back to faith and doing my best and opening myself to new ideas, like maybe this doesn’t have to be so hard and scary. It’s a reframe revolution in here.
Hey Emily, I love that reframe revolution! I think when you look at the circumstances around you – if you are sick, or are moving into a new way of being, or just graduated from school, young child, etc…, it helps bring in some of the gentleness. Then it becomes about enjoying the process instead of getting “there” don’t you think?
xoxo Meghan