Sexy & Supersized vs. Simple Sustainable Self-Care

I’ve scaled pyramids and sacred sites, attended monthly meditation retreats for over a decade, and luxuriated at 5-star spas. I’ve travelled the globe with world famous shamans and twisted into advanced poses with master yogis and yoginis. (That’s me at the pyramids in Teotihuacan, Mexico on one of many power journeys.)

All of which was spectacular. Supersized. And Sexy. (Just to be clear, I’m not referring to sex.)

These experiences cracked my mind, body and soul wide open. They challenged my beliefs and ego, drudged up deep emotion, and helped me evolve from being an uptight perfectionist into a messy, mostly happy human being.

Yet none of these stellar adventures with high-powered gurus have been as effective, necessary or difficult, as ongoing, sustainable, preventive maintenance, i.e. regular self-care with myself, for myself and mostly by myself.

After all, at the end of the day – or the retreat, I have to go home to myself, and my life, without a support staff in tow.

Yes, my spiritual wanderings have left me fairly adept at juggling my full, daily life with all its challenges and stresses. And as a woman and healer, I thoroughly enjoy giving by nurturing my family and clients.

Yet when I forget to refill, relax, receive, rejuvenate, and reconnect with myself, I get cranky, have emotional outbursts and find my shoulders glued to my ears.

While I’d love to continue on a sexy, spiritual path – the kind that involves travel and classes and spa treatments, right now simple is vital to my ability to be calm, compassionate and content.

The difference between sexy and simple?

Sexy Self-Care is going on a week long yoga retreat. It’s flying to a girl’s spa weekend. Heck, it could even being making it to a dance class at night.

Sexy is a glamorous idea.

Simple Self-Care is stretching for 5 minutes on your yoga mat in your pajamas in the morning. It’s dancing for half a song with your honey (or by yourself) around the living room. It’s sitting on your porch, in the sunlight, enjoying a cup of tea.

Simple is do-able. Now. Most likely in less than 10 minutes.

Sexy Self-Care results in orgasmic highs, followed by romantic – and usually highly unrealistic – promises to yourself such as, “I’m going to go to yoga 3x a week forever!” or “I’m going to meditate for 30 minutes every day!”

Simple Self-Care is easy, bite-sized actions that you can do – usually in the comfort of your own home.

And while ongoing, preventive, regular self-care can be a hard habit to form, doing Simple Self-Care is sustainable, practical, fun and low stress.

Sexy is thrilling, comes in a pretty package and if you’re lucky, happens once or twice… a year.

Simple is realistic, doesn’t require a lot of planning, scheduling, purchasing or preparing.

Simple looks like this:

1. Recognizing reality.

I have 2 children, a husband, a home, a career and I volunteer.

2. Knowing the kind of deep nurturing, sexy self-care that turns me on & lights me up:

While I should (and would LOVE to):

• schedule a massage once a month,
• write a blog daily,
• make it to yoga and dance class once a week,
• get together with girlfriends regularly, and
• meditate for at least an hour daily…

3. Then simple, simple, simplifying:

I’d feel good if I:

• traded foot rubs with my honey and took a bath on occasion,
• jotted down notes when inspiration strikes,
• stretched on my yoga mat with my little one crawling around me,
• danced with my son in the kitchen,
• checked in with friends via text or a call on the way to school pickup,
• and meditated for 10 minutes, 5 times a week.

Test out the difference yourself. Guesstimate how many times you’ve done the following in the last month and give yourself once point for each time you’ve:

1. gotten a massage or spa treatment
2. gone to a yoga class
3. made it to a dance class
4. completed a painting, piece of writing or other artistic endeavor
5. went to a meditation group
6. took a hike
7. fill in other example of sexy self-care

My sexy score? 5.

Now test yourself with these examples:

1. given yourself or your partner a shoulder or foot rub or took a bath
2. stretched or did yoga at home
3. danced – anywhere
4. doodled, journaled, colored with crayons or made anything crafty (yes, helping out with kid’s school projects count)
5. meditated or sat still doing nothing for more than 5 minutes
6. took a walk
7. other example of simple self-care

My simple score? Closer to 55.

While I would love more sexy in my life – and am so excited about going to the spa with my best friend 5 months from now, I could not be the mother, wife, shaman, life coach, business coach, daughter or friend that I am without valuing myself enough to make some time each day – if not week, to restock my energy.

What continually knocks my socks off is how little simple self-care I need. I can be ready to pull my hair out and swear I need a week away by myself in a tropical climate – when 12 minutes of staring out the skylight of my Healing Space does the trick.

Maybe when my kids are older or my business has taken root or I manifest an assistant, house cleaner and 3 clones, I’ll have more time for sexy. Until then, I’m happily taking simple every chance I get.

What deeply nurturing, sexy self-care activities do you fantasize about having time to do? What would be the simple, sustainable, satisfying version of them? Comment below.

And if you’d like more tips, tricks and tools, check out my Simple  Self-Care support program that delivers reminders to your inbox weekly.