She said No… Why I listened so I could teach my daughter (and myself) self-trust by learning to listen to our intuition.
“NO!” mouthed my 10-year-old daughter Téa.
She shook her head emphatically at me, eyes wide.
(Téa gave me her consent to share this story when I told her why it might touch and support you.)
We were at a new chiropractor’s office after a wild ride on a bucking horse that had left my little cowgirl’s shoulders and neck tight and achy (and thankfully the rest of her was okay.)
I had also scheduled an appointment after my massage therapist commented that my neck and collarbone were off.
As I took in the cozy living room-like office with its sheepskin rugs, photos, paintings and decor from around the world, everything in me shouted, “YES!”
The chiropractor popped out from behind a screen made of repurposed doors. In jeans, a soft sweater and a quirky hat, his warm vibe immediately put me at ease.
“Welcome! I’ll be right with you.”
Behind the screen, there were three adjustment tables lined up and he was masterfully rotating among them in an open clinic style.
This was clearly not what Téa was expecting. She had only been to a traditional sterile strip mall chiropractor’s office once years before.
Gripping my hand tightly, Téa whispered, “Mama. NO. I am NOT getting an adjustment here!”
I momentarily froze. My mind spun.
She was in discomfort.
My husband’s chiropractor was an hour and fifteen minutes away.
If I cancelled now, there was no way this chiropractor could fill her spot which meant he’d lose some income.
Was this her reluctance around any kind of medical treatment coming through?
Was she making some kind of judgmental decision?
And then it hit me.
If I wanted to teach her to trust her “no,” herself, and her body, then I had to honor that no.
Even if it felt illogical to me.
Or inconvenient.
Or that it meant I had to tolerate my own discomfort with her choice since my sensitive nature means I can perceive her discomfort in my own body.
If her own mother wouldn’t believe and trust her knowing, then…
How could I expect her to have the courage to say “no” to a friend who suggested a risky activity?
Or a first lover who was moving faster than she was ready for?
Or even to simply hear what her own body was saying and believe herself?
I had to support her “no” to nurture that trust that so many of us are missing because it wasn’t modeled to us.
I thought back to all the times in my childhood where I was forced to go to a doctor or dentist or school when my body didn’t want to, when I was cajoled to ‘eat another bite’ when I was full, when I wanted to say “stop” but was worried about what the other person would feel.
I’ve spent so much of my adult life healing this wound within me.
After quiet conversation making sure Téa understood the consequences of her choice, I told her that it was her body and I trusted her to make the best decision for herself (except for the rare instance when she was in grave danger such as when she didn’t want to go to the ER for potentially life-threatening blood poisoning.)
As I settled onto the table, Téa plopped down on a leather ottoman.
Periodically she’d catch my eye and shake her head “no!” to emphasize how dead set she was.
The chiropractor expertly tried to engage her, but she was having none of it and he graciously said that if she didn’t want a session, it was enough for her to be here this time.
My heart swelled in gratitude for his understanding and his willingness to read her “no” as well.
Téa heard her “no” in the same situation that I heard my “yes please!”
I received the most masterful adjustment of my life.
I walked out of there holding my posture in a way I’ve never been able to before – and could feel how he was also working with my life force energy.
A week later, my husband was able to take Téa for an appointment with his chiropractor.
Téa happily greeted the receptionist, sat in the bucket seats in the reception area and laid down in the stark and clinical treatment room.
This chiropractor apparently cracked her every which way as her spine was a zigzag of misalignment.
She received the care that felt right for her body and taught me the importance of honoring her choice whether I agreed with her or not.
“I learned how to trust myself and my intuition” is one of the most common reflections I receive from my private clients.
As women who grew up as girls in today’s world, emotions and intuitive body knowing are so often misunderstood or dismissed.
We aren’t taught how to interpret our body’s signals or the messages from Spirit.
Our inner parts, whether it’s our inner child or our anger or fear, are more often meet with harshness than compassion.
When this self-trust is broken in our youth, then as adults we feel disconnected from ourselves, have a hard time making our best decisions, and go to doubt, overwhelm and confusion around how to create an authentic and fulfilling life.
Whether it’s with our children or with ourselves, we can value being rational and override our inner knowing – or learn to listen and build the trust in ourselves.
So this incident made me curious about who else has had these kinds of experiences and dilemmas.
Were given this kind of support growing up (knowing our parents did the best they could with what they knew and were handed down themselves)?
If not, how have you re-built that trust and inner knowing?
What would you choose in a similar situation – if you walked into a doctor’s office and felt ‘no!’ or a loved one did?
I’d love to hear from you. Comment below.
Here’s to rebuilding a world where we listen to our bodies, support each other and make the hard choices that aren’t the socially acceptable ones.
Meghan Gilroy is a shamanic healer and spiritual mentor who supports women to identify your soul purpose and bring your soul’s calling into the world. She’s also the mostly mindful mama of 3 children in a blended family.
You can learn more about working with her 1:1, joining Sacred Woman Sanctuary for monthly ceremony or enroll in her Sacred Practices Home Study Program.
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