As we sat in circle, we each carried a wound as a woman. Some from not being mothered the way we wished. Some from not feeling loved and accepted by our sisters – blood or friend. Some from fear of being persecuted across lifetimes if dared to share our gifts and our light. Some from being afraid to truly own our power as wise women.
We brought our wounds to each other and invited them to be seen, heard, held, acknowledged so that we could give and receive love – and return our wild, wonderful, weird and wise womanly ways to the world.
Painful and powerful. Held by Cosmic Mother, our lineages, our ancestors, each other, we walked courageously into a new way of being, in deeper harmony with our souls, supporting the evolution of ourselves, each other and this planet.
As women, we carry a collective and past life consciousness that if you are different, if you speak up, if what you want contrasts to those around you or if you use your intuitive, divine feminine abilities, then you will be shamed, belittled, persecuted, cast out from your family or tribe – or even killed.
As I write those words, I feel a shiver run up my spine. This energetic lives within our blood, bones and cells, within our psyche and unconscious, within our relationships, in our words and actions, and systemically in our culture.
This woman wound runs deep – from our relationship with our mothers and mothers in all forms, to our first friendships to our current friend circles to our careers.
The mother wound, the sisterhood wound, the witch/wise woman wound
all feed into the woman wound.
What is the mother wound, sisterhood wound, witch/wise woman wound?
The mother wound shows up in children as the fear of not being loved or abandoned, not worthy of care or afraid to express what you want and need. It’s underlying message is, “If I’m myself, I am not safe.”
The sisterhood wound causes us to distrust other women, to believe that we need to go it alone and if we get close to another woman, we’ll experience pain or betrayal.
The witch/wise woman wound stokes our fear that if we use our innately feminine gifts or we are different, then we could be called out and betrayed by a neighbor or family member, then shamed or killed.
These fears were passed from mother to daughter, from sister to sister, from friend to friend, amongst men and women and institutions. They have been perpetuated to keep women small – and fighting each other.
These fears live within each of us and rob our energy for creation, ease and pleasure. They also live among us in how we relate to other women.
When these wounds weave together, they create the woman wound and they all run on fear. A fear that whispers, “You’re not safe here. You don’t belong. You are alone, unloved and unsupported as you are.”
They ride on all the subtle and overt words, glances and interactions that have told us, “You’re too much, too bold, too different, not good enough, weird.”
This wound lives within me, within you, within us.
In the name of bringing light on the shadow, I invite you to take a moment to let the first words or feelings arise when you respond to these prompts:
At her worst, my mother, sister, friend has been…
At my worst with my mother, sister, friend, I have been…
These are the words I hear women use about themselves and each other:
Women can be:
mean
cold
dangerous
competition
unreliable
untrustworthy
jealous
insecure
catty
manipulative
shaming
the enemy
source of harm
judgmental
isolating
exclusive
emotionally distant
Deep breath. Bring some breath and compassion to yourself and the world we live in.
So where did this woman wound come from?
Within patriarchal society, our safety as women depended on belonging, fitting in, and pleasing our male protectors. We also had valid need to assure our care from the women around us, who were often competing for their own safety and protection.
We can trace through history the systemic and intentional suppression of women, especially indigenous women and women of color, as well as women in healing modalities and leadership positions.
I can feel the truth of this in the pit of my stomach even with all the inner work and sisterhood work I’ve done. That fear that you will not be safe in your body, and harm – whether physical or emotional, may come to you. Fear that if you don’t take care of others before you take care of yourself, then you will lose the safety and protection of your partner, family or community.
While many of us know that we now live in very different (and still vast amounts of work to do) times, I’ve found that all women I’ve worked with have the sense that being truly and authentically yourself, speaking your truth, shining fully in our lives and work and sharing our feminine and soul gifts didn’t end so well for us – so we unconsciously pull back in our marriages, friendships, community and work.
For those of us who are called to share our feminine gifts in the world – whether it’s within our families, a healing career, a business or in community work, as we step outside the realm of doing inner work that is “private” within our minds and bodies and homes and we step out into visibility and exposure in the larger world, our witch/wise woman wound often becomes activated.
How does the witch/wise woman wound live on today?
Many of us have an image today of a witch as a powerful woman healer thought to have magical or supernatural powers. She’s the healer, the herbalist, the pagan, the wiccan, the midwife.
Yet historically you could be accused of being a witch if:
- you went against conventional society
- looked or acted different or expressed individuality
- you said no or spoke up to a man in authority
- were too outspoken within your family or community
- followed the cycles of the moon
- used herbs or intuition
- you were an herbalist, midwife or healer
- had red hair
We also have images of what it means to have magic or supernatural powers – think the witch flying on her broomstick through the air. Yet true magic and supernatural powers refers to anything not logical or that defies explanation… aka our innate feminine gifts such as:
- intuition
- psychic or shamanic abilities
- healing abilities
- emotional intelligence
- interested in awakening, embodiment, enlightenment
- openness to collaborating with others
- experiences of the inexplicable, serendipities, coincidences, and “you just can’t make this up!”
Except for the red hair part, I think most of us, especially us healers, coaches or leaders, could be accused of being a witch or a wise woman. And that has caused so many of us to shy away from embracing our spiritual, intuitive, magical soul gifts.
What’s the cost of the women wound?
When you mix the mother, sisterhood, witch/wise woman wounds together, you create a potent brew that causes women to:
- Make ourselves stay small or hidden
- Become fearful of judgment
- Hide away from shining our light or sharing our gifts
- Disconnect from our intuition and inner knowing
- Compartmentalize ourselves and repress parts of our whole self
- Not use the words witch, lightworker, healer, spiritual teacher, medicine woman, shaman
- Default to the defensive mechanisms of people pleasing & perfectionism
- Have poor boundaries
- Give up potential income and wealth for safety
- Work ourselves to overwhelm, stress and exhaustion, instead of allowing natural rhythms of rest and work, fun, pleasure, play, creativity and inspiration
- Look to others, especially experts, for how we should live our lives or run our businesses
So for those of us who are tapping into using our inner knowing and spiritual or feminine gifts in the world – especially if you are in the healing arts or health & wellness field, in a position of leadership or if you are a mother, daughter or friend – let’s look at how this might be showing up in your life.
Take a moment to pause into each sign and see if it’s showing up for you.
Signs of the Woman, Mother, Sisterhood, Witch/Wise Woman Wound:
- You have bigger dreams of sharing your soul gifts but shy away from actually doing it fully.
This may show up as procrastination, not sharing you work with others, not launching a program or making an offer to your clients, not taking the steps you know would make the real difference, staying in a place of confusion or overwhelm, not including or sharing your spiritual or healing abilities with your mother, friends or daughters or within your home or local community.
- You’ve had to learn to listen to, trust and act on your intuition.
This can show up as not knowing how to listen to your intuition, body or Spirit guides, overriding your intuition, not trusting yourself, having a hard time making decisions that come from inner guidance, relying more heavily on planning, strategy or logic.
- You feel choked up or nervous when you share your work.
This can appear around creating and sharing content online or in front of others, when you invite clients to work with you, not liking to be on video, on stage or in the public eye or hesitating as you decide what version of your work you’ll talk about depending on who’s asking you.
- You worry about being called out or you feel like an imposter or a fraud.
This comes through in underselling yourself, not charging what you are worth, not wanting to have conversations around money, feeling like you’re not enough in your work, friendships, or mothering.
- You camouflage what you are really doing/sharing or what your true gifts are and might feel a need to be sneaky/vague/manipulative about your work to protect yourself.
This is when you aren’t boldly and clearly stating what you really do in emails, sales pages, social media or when asked, when you don’t tell family and friends what you really do, when you can’t articulate what your true superpowers are and how they help others.
- You find yourself pleasing people to avoid making a scene.
This one shows up in how visible you are on social media or in your community, when you placate your partner or family member instead of standing up for your true wants and needs, when you stay small or within the acceptable mainstream instead of showing your full spirituality.
- You feel some discomfort in speaking up for what you believe, when there’s conflict or if you see that someone is being wronged.
This comes up in both personal or business relationships when you don’t really know or say what you want, when you back away in tense or conflictual situations, when you do not speak up for racial/social/injustice issues that can draw opinions and criticism.
- You sometimes feel like you might get in trouble and that scares you.
This might show up around your taxes, bookkeeping or with contracts. You might also notice you have a fear that you’re doing something wrong.
- You subtly believe that you have to choose between making money or being happy/being yourself/sharing your spiritual gifts.
This one comes into play if you can’t imagine ever having enough money, pushing money and opportunities around your happiness and abundance away, thinking that you can’t do what you love and still make good money or you can’t make as much as in other more traditional professions.
- You have a history of throat or lung illnesses or issues.
So what’s benefit of healing and looking at your woman wound?
You:
- Feel safe, rooted and confident within yourself
- Find true fulfillment, friendship and love within your relationships
- Reach new levels of success & health
- Find the harmony, support and flow from living your soul purpose
- Have more vibrant health
- Can show up as a leader and wayshower for other women
- Have the confidence to be public about what you do that lights you up
- Able to work through conflicts & problems
Healing these wounds is some of the most challenging and rewarding work I’ve done and had the honor of holding the space for the extraordinary transformations within my clients.
How do you heal the woman wound?
What I have found to be the most effective ways to heal the woman wound is to:
- Journal what was touched within you as you read this asking yourself, “What do I need to see and heal with my mother, sisterhood, witch/wise woman wound?”
- Value and listen to your inner voice, intuition and Spirit Guidance. Speak about using these gifts with your friends, family, children, partner.
- Look at how these wounds show up in your life and work and find a mentor or practitioner to support your healing – shamanic journeying is an incredible tool for this.
- Gather together in women’s circles with the willingness to support your sisters in healing – and to give permission to the sisterhood wound to show up and be repaired
- Find soul-led business groups that support new paradigms of building businesses based on a combination of intuition and strategy.
As each woman in the circle spoke her fears aloud, the tears flowed. You are not alone. We are rising together, creating a new world together.
Thank you for your willingness, your courage, your vulnerability, your strength. Thank you to all the women who have walked this journey with me. I see you.
Meghan Gilroy is a shamanic healer, mama, daughter, and soul sister to many who has walked her own mother, sisterhood, witch/wise woman wounds within herself, her family, her friends and with her clients. If you’d like support in this walk, you can schedule a free clarity call or check out how to work with her privately through Shamanic Healing.
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